Post by Amia on Aug 25, 2010 1:14:53 GMT -5
okay so i finally have gotten an appointment with a neurologist after waiting for ages. i am happy i can finally get in there and maybe get that MRI i need so much, but how dare they make me wait that fucking long?!
i mean who do they think they are saying i likely have a brain tumor and then doing absolutely NOTHING about it? how can they leave me so afraid? how is that alright?
i have tremors, bad headaches that won't go away, this odd feeling like something is pushing on my brain from the inside sometimes, vision occasionally blackening for a while, and then the all out blackouts where i come to moments later in a heap and in pain from the fall.
it's frightening....i broke down and cried a month ago because no one was doing anything and there is something so obviously wrong and if it weren't for my mother badgering the doctor until he relented, i would still be waiting!
i collapsed on the stairs this morning just after i recieved a phonecall -which was in no way stressful or exciting- and i scared my grandmother 'cause she was standing right there. i am hoping i was just tired but it has happened beforehand a few times, my least favourite instance a few years ago when i fell down a flight of stairs and came to only because my grandfather opened the door to his room and asked what happened and if i was alright.
it is frightening....this kind of thing...you can get so sick that you can't even go to the bathroom by yourself! i promise you right now, if it gets to the point where i have just a little control left over my body, i will commit suicide because i refuse to live that way. i am too damned proud to live that way.
everyone....even having an appointment to see the doctor, i am still afraid....if it's not a brain tumor....then....then what can they do? i would hate chemo but at least it would help....if it's not a brain tumor than really, is there anything that can be done? if they don't know what it is, then....what am i to do? i pray they can fix me so i don't have to live this way anymore....
i mean who do they think they are saying i likely have a brain tumor and then doing absolutely NOTHING about it? how can they leave me so afraid? how is that alright?
i have tremors, bad headaches that won't go away, this odd feeling like something is pushing on my brain from the inside sometimes, vision occasionally blackening for a while, and then the all out blackouts where i come to moments later in a heap and in pain from the fall.
it's frightening....i broke down and cried a month ago because no one was doing anything and there is something so obviously wrong and if it weren't for my mother badgering the doctor until he relented, i would still be waiting!
i collapsed on the stairs this morning just after i recieved a phonecall -which was in no way stressful or exciting- and i scared my grandmother 'cause she was standing right there. i am hoping i was just tired but it has happened beforehand a few times, my least favourite instance a few years ago when i fell down a flight of stairs and came to only because my grandfather opened the door to his room and asked what happened and if i was alright.
it is frightening....this kind of thing...you can get so sick that you can't even go to the bathroom by yourself! i promise you right now, if it gets to the point where i have just a little control left over my body, i will commit suicide because i refuse to live that way. i am too damned proud to live that way.
everyone....even having an appointment to see the doctor, i am still afraid....if it's not a brain tumor....then....then what can they do? i would hate chemo but at least it would help....if it's not a brain tumor than really, is there anything that can be done? if they don't know what it is, then....what am i to do? i pray they can fix me so i don't have to live this way anymore....
